Funnies for the Mommies

They are out there, I am sure we all know one. The woman who appears to tirelessly keep her house in order while looking after numerous children. Someone who can afford to be a stay at home Mum, but is also really good at it and gains satisfaction from her work. You may be one of them, and if so I admire you.

For the rest of us Mum’s who live in the real word and are hiding a guilty desire not to have to do all of the homemaking stuff, and dream of finding a modern day man to stay at home and be our bitch I have written this for you….

You know it’s time to go back to work when;

It’s 10.00am and you are wondering what a justifiable hour of the day is to have that first drink

You realise you have forgotten to have a shower for 2 days

The hairs under you arms look like you are a person who doesn’t shave under their arms

In fact you could run a fair competition with an ape over your body hair; you start to wonder where the public hair stops and the leg hair begins

The baby vomits on you and you forget to change your shirt before you go to the shops

Every time the baby does a poo you take note of the consistency

You realise when you had lunch with your old work colleagues you spent 2 hours talking about the consistency of your baby’s poo

The TV soaps are the highlight of your day

You call your friends to talk about the TV soaps

The kids fall asleep during a children’s show and you watch to rest of it just to see how it ends

You start finding members of the Wiggles and Hi Five attractive

Formula becomes OK as a milk substitute in your coffee

You catch yourself singing ‘insey winsey’ spider to the dog